Those Words given by A Father Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a break - going on a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."